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Sunday, 29 May 2011

Day Seventeen and Eighteen and Nineteen.

I am not ashamed of double posts anymore.

Why? Because at this point I don't need a blog to keep going. :) That's a good thing! But it's fun to log my progress. My posts are slowly becoming less imaginative, my writing voice sounds more busy than creative, but seriously that's fine. I am not pushing myself to the 110%, I could be doing something to better myself at every moment. Yesterday I thought to myself, I could really practice like 5 hours a day, practice piano and sight singing in between, study french and read books at night, exercise in the morning, etc. I would be a machine. An awesome machine. I'm actually considering doing a week of 110%. Doing something at every moment, no sedentary bull shit, no computer, just progress, practice, and persistence. I am becoming more inspired as I write this. I might do it. In fact the week before Boston would be a perfect time to do it, I have fresh reeds made, school is almost over, and my job watching the old woman is suspended until July for my vacation, the only "work" I will have is babysitting, which I love doing.

Hmmm. Okay, so maybe from June 4th to June 11th will be my 110% week. I will have to work out how talking to boyfriend works in to that, I don't want to cut him off, I miss him enough as it is. I might designate one hour per day and then I'll have the 12th to talk my face off with him before I see him. :)

ANYWAYS. Reality. Day seventeen? Ran 5 miles. Like a boss. In the rain. In running shorts I haven't fit into for a long time. Knees haven't hurt at all since. Over all, that's a huge win.

Day eighteen? 40 sit-ups in 50 seconds. New "15" record for girly push ups. Climbed 20 flights of stairs. I didn't realize how much of a work out I was missing by taking the escalators. I have a potential awesome work out for my legs with every trip I make, the metro takes me down 3 flights, so back up another 3, school is 3 flights up, 3 flights down if I only make the trip once. The library is 2 flights up and down or I guess one super long flight is better to classify it. Maybe 1.5 then. The point is, that's an effing lot. So from now on I will walk up all stairs, but I will walk up the escalators in the metro because those flights are seriously too much. There are probably 100 steps in one, I've counted 30 flight walking up the escalator on the smaller set of stairs at my metro station. Ha.

Today? (Day nineteen) 3 REAL push-ups! -tears of joy- 60 sit ups in 58 seconds!!! -tears of agony and joy- and I did 10 girly push ups before doing the 3 real ones. I am getting stronger and it feels awesome. So today's agenda is more practicing, I think I'm going to try out my new reeds, I'm going to do the bike, do my theory homework, and practice piano at school. Oh and clean. Ew. That'll be cardio for sure.


-185 pounds----I weighed myself and I think I must have been heavier than I thought. I already fit into smaller clothes so either I underestimated the growth of my boobs (up 2 cup sizes in college) or I am gaining muscle weight fast. It could be either or both actually. I'm content on how I feel, so as long as I keep getting stronger and losing the extra fat I carry in my legs I'll be happy. My thighs have always been kinda thick, chafing sucks the big one, and they seem to be the most out of proportion part of my body. It's as if everything else is average weight except my legs. Boooo.
-1500 calories day 17, 1400 calories day 18, dunno how many today but so far 500 (3 eggs, a sprinkle of cheese, a banana, coffee with cream and sugar)
-All my work out activities are noted above

346 days to go.


Wednesday, 25 May 2011

We will call this "Day Sixteen".

I've been gone for two days. I would say sorry guys, but it's more like sorry to myself.

It's okay though, boyfriend came into town from Boston and has never been to Montreal before. We walked for hours and I think I was actually the most sore I had been in a while from climbing and walking alone. I also ate less because I was distracted so that's good for maintaining weight during a slight change in schedule at least.

Well I'm off to a good start getting back into the swing of things. I warmed up on the bike this morning and did some push ups. I haven't done push ups in a while but I am strangely improving. Perhaps the break helped give my muscles time to settle down from being sore. :) I'm going running after I go to dog walking today and then the rest of the day is mine to dedicate to my paper and reed making.

Good times! This is a short post. Stats later :)

349 days to go.


Saturday, 21 May 2011

Day Fifteen.

Soooo like I mentioned before, I expected leg aches and pains.

Before I started this, leg pains would occur every now and then, maybe twice a month. Now I have had pains three days in a row. I upped the resistance on my bike so I am thinking that is a factor. But you know what I don't do enough of? Stretching. Stretching is so important, I know this. But I take it for granted.

I propose for myself that I will 1) stretch every morning 2) stretch before and after every exercise routine I do 3) stretch before bed. I want to see if this helps. Last night my right leg kept me awake for about an hour longer than I would have hoped (but it didn't matter, I slept in! Hee hee!) and today it is my left leg but this time canceling my plans for the bike this evening. =( Awww.

So I guess there are three major focal points to this new routine of mine:

1. Aches and pains in my legs
2. Eating habits
3. Making my heart healthier

Those are my most pressing concerns, I think about those things the most during the day. Walking up stairs, taking my first steps in the morning, walking to school--I am thinking about aches and pains. When I'm hungry, when I'm full, when I'm bored--I am thinking about my eating habits (and the potential consequences of the next choices I make!). When during all of these things my heart races or palpitates or I have caffeine--I am thinking about my heart. I'm really in this for being healthy. If it makes me look better that's a bonus and I know that feeling lighter feels better but my heart is a muscle and no matter how many pounds I lose I need to make it stronger. I'm a musician, I plan to be employed until I'm 70! Ha. Maybe. But you see my point, have to maintain my health and state of well-being.

I did sit ups today and went for a long walk, right about the time my left leg had had enough.

That's all I have for today! Boyfriend is here tomorrow though, busing in from Boston. That will be nice :) Anyways!


-1700 calories
-20 minute walk, 40 situps, 10 push ups
-8 cups of water

350 days to go.


Friday, 20 May 2011

Day Fourteen.

Today was a good day!

I gave myself a very lavish gift of sleeping in this morning, I woke up when I had absolutely no more sleep left in me. Jasper was sprawled out next to me, basking in the afternoon sun, stretching his legs after a big brushing that went down the night before. =P

I got up and stretched my legs myself, my back felt a lot better, my knees were good, everything felt decent. The rest of the afternoon I spent cleaning my apartment and organizing things from my computer. I bought my tickets to Boston today, I sorted some things out with UPS, I signed up with Hydro-Quebec, and I started my paper---all good things that needed to be done. In between all of that I played games, watched shows, made meals, kept hydrated, and exercised.

That sounds like a pretty good day, no? I didn't practice, but tomorrow will be a big bassoon/reed and laundry day for me. Currently my pile of laundry is half the height of my closet. I am serious. The clothes hanging down are touching the dirty clothes. Time for an intervention? Haha. I think I might just bite the bullet and get washing and drying machines, I have the equipment for them but I was waiting so I wouldn't put my parents in an inconvenient financial situation with having to pay for so many other things at once. It would be so nice though to have my whole apartment smell like clean laundry! Heaven!

So back to fitness. I biked today for 15 minutes, but at 3 times the resistance this ride. That means I'm getting stronger! My right leg is currently doing that weird thing though where it hurts a lot inexplicably but as I brainstormed before, I think it happens when I'm building muscle. Anyways, the bike felt great. I did another 80 sit ups today, 40 in the morning and 40 at night and I skipped push ups because I did some of those yesterday.

One thing I am noticing is that my skin is more oily these days. I am definitely keeping hydrated, at least WAY more than I used to, sometimes I would go a week with only having about 16 oz of water a day, and not all at once, and not always just water (soda and juice and what not). Now I'm having at least 6 cups a day but now my skin is oily from sweating more than I'm used to. Any sweat at all would be more than I'm used to. So yeah I use my Neutrogena Morning Burst Scrub in the shower every day now, I love it. I never really had skin problems as a kid. I have naturally smooth, dry, skin. My feet and hands are leathery though. Apparently they have been that way since I was born. Mom thought it was pretty weird when I came into the world with hands and feet like a gorilla's.

Well now that I've curbed all of your appetites, it's time I wrap up this post. Nothing but good news, so I'm going to go to bed (watch one more show).


-1400 calories
-15 minutes of the bike, 250 cal burned (I take what the machine says and divide it in half), 80 sit ups, lots of scrubbing (I'm sure that counts, I was working up a sweat doing that too!)
-7 cups of water

351 days to go.


Thursday, 19 May 2011

Days Twelve and Thirteen.

I did nothing yesterday.

So that's what lack of sleep gets me--no exercise. I didn't practice either. It sucked. I went to bed the night before at around 2am, got up at 7am to clean the house for garbage day, profile cane I was too exhausted to deal with the night before, get cat food and litter, shower, do my homework, and get ready for school. By the time I got to theory class, I just made it on time but without getting any coffee and it didn't help that the lecture was particularly dense that day. It's a two hour lecture and we usually get a break but yesterday yielded too much material to find a good place to stop. I was aching.

Oh don't you just HATE the feeling of being sleepy? To me it's the most agonizing, uncomfortable feeling ever aside extreme physical pain. Maybe it feels worse to me because I was severely anemic for three years unknowingly and was falling asleep all the time, including at the wheel. Yikes!!!

Anyways, I had to drag myself to my piano class after the two hour theory lecture and I played a bunch of pieces for a test I was really prepared for. They all went fine but by the time I got home? I passed out. For 4 hours I slept only to wake up, eat food, shoot boyfriend a sloppy text, and fall back asleep until morning. I guess that's reality sometimes, my mom always said, "Prior Planning Prevents (Piss-) Poor Performance". I did not plan well. I mean I got a lot of stuff done, but I didn't practice, make reeds, or exercise. I did sit ups though, but that's not enough.

Today I am stuck for a different reason. I tried doing situps on my hardwood the other day and I guess that was a bad idea because when I went to sit down to the bike today, my back shot up with pain. I thought it was the seat but even a comfy pillow didn't help. I even tried my tempurpedic pillow. No luck. Just pain.

So tonight I will do my remaining sets of sit ups on my bed and I'll do some flexibility stuff but cardio is out of the question. :( It sucks not being able to run or bike, I didn't even realize my back would be hurting. I learned my lesson I suppose.

I still notice a slight difference in my appearance, it's comforting but I don't want to lose the sense of accomplishment. I don't want to lose momentum. I think I'll go to bed early and wake up early for a rainy run before I have to sit at home waiting for a package to arrive. My loving parents sent me a birthday present but it had a hard time getting here so I really can't miss it this time. I have my bassoon here though so I can practice and finish cleaning my apartment, and best of all......start my paper. Ew! Blech! I have no interest in starting a paper! On theoretical analysis no less, it'll be hard to get started. I'll push through the boredom, try to make it fun. And hopefully I can do the bike tomorrow while I'm at home too, I guess I can do a lot of stuff while I'm at home. The only thing I can't do is practice piano which I so desperately want to do.

I have decided I am going to push myself to play the piano better. I'm starting with Chopin's simplest preludes and I'll see where it goes from there. Playing piano is so stress relieving and comforting and it's a great skill to have, it might even help my musicianship skills in other areas. Maybe it will help me identify certain chords and cadences better or maybe it will help me listen for proper voice leading and resolutions for my musicianship classes in the fall and winter.

I also practiced bassoon today. It was MARVELOUS. I just played scales and more scales and I'll tell you what...this work I've been doing on technique has improved my fluency by what seems like 1,000%. It's as if my fingers were blind before and now they can see. In those really awful, fast runs I can calm down and anchor myself to my instrument and let my fingers take control. I feel more in control, yes.

If only I could control my hunger at night! I think I'm going to have to stock up on soup to fill in the cracks for these late night hunger strikes, I could eat a thanksgiving meal right now I'm so hungry. The sad part is, that's AFTER I broke my code and ate at 10pm. Then I had a huge glass of hot cocoa (but with water because I was out of milk) and I think I'll be able to sleep on this.

ACK. Enough computer.


-1500 calories
-6 cups of water
-50 sit ups
-10 push ups (getting better at these!)

352 days to go.


Tuesday, 17 May 2011

Day Eleven.

Wow. There is nothing like the feeling after running.

An even better feeling is right after I take a short break to catch my breath and take a full swig of water. It's like I'm in a hot tub from the waist down. My knees feel warm all over, the comfort is so amazing it's almost as if in that moment I feel invincible. I mean, there is NO pain in my joints, only a warm lubricated sensation. If I were to explain the discomfort I feel daily, I would choose words like dry, weak, fragile, tender, stiff, etc. Running gets everything circulating I guess.

Today's run was really wimpy though. Outside was cold, about 45 and windy and I cramped after 5 minutes. I was so disappointed, I leaned up against a building a sulked until the cramp went away. I can feel myself building strength, gaining the capacity to do this and maybe today I neglected to drink enough water before or maybe I salted my food too much but either way it was a let down in a small way. I decided to do minute long sprints in a set of three until I got home so I could get the cardio without the agony of my side cramping up. Also, my feet were fine but I definitely needed gloves. I figured I would get warm but my hands didn't, they kind of went a bit numb actually.

Something really cool though? I ran through the mainstreet today and at night all the colored lights flew past me, it was like I was on a rollercoaster. I was running pretty fast so I was able to enjoy myself watching the scenery change to quickly. If I hadn't had a stitch in my side I would have loved to run a long time. Let it be known then that my new goal is to be able to run for 15 minutes straight.

On a different note, I noticed something that might help my eating habits. If I stop eating after 8pm, I wake up feeling slim, empty, light, without going to bed on a full stomach. I think that's also been proven to be a key factor to weight loss so I guess I could save myself some frustration by not sabotaging all my hard work. I think if I ran 10 miles and then went to bed after eating a huge meal, most of that would be stored as fat anyway. Just a tip.

I did sit ups today and now 20 sit ups arent enough to get me burning, 25 is the magic number. It used to be 15 so that's an area that I see improvement in. :) I can also bring myself lower with my pushups so that means my arms are getting stronger. I only did 7 today--a set of 5 and then two more--but I was trying extra hard to get it right and take my time to work those muscles.

Anyways, here are the stats:

-1500 calories
-10 minute run
-50 sit ups, 7 push ups, 1.5 hr walk

354 days to go.


Day Ten.


There's nothing like results after lots of hard work. Usually I see results in whether or not I can play scales on my instrument accurately or if my breathing is relaxed and maintained through a difficult phrase but today I woke up to a different kind of result.

.....I have abs!!!

I have four distinctly formed abs now thanks to my sit ups routine. :) It's not like I didn't have them before though. Bassoon is actually quite demanding for support that comes from your diaphragm and your abs. The difference today is that I notice way more definition. Now I love the way they accent my waist in a pair of skinny jeans. I love how soft my skin feels but how firm the muscles are, I could spend hours just tracing the outlines (but I'd rather do more sit ups! haha)

My knees are on the mend as well.

Yes, finally I am walking up stairs with a (slightly sheepish) grin on my face. I'm still always expecting a little pain but so far still none!. I love the feeling of being in shape. My legs feel good now. I stretch them every morning before I go to school, feeling my sleepy muscles sigh at the bends in my knees. It feels like stepping outside and taking your first deep breath of morning air, so refreshing and light. This is the feeling I was going after. I wasn't doing this to get super skinny or pretty or to show off my work out clothes, feeling healthy is what I was after.

Speaking of skinny though, I do admit I have lost a little bit of weight. I don't know much persay but my stomach is not only a little more toned, it's flatter too. My face also seems to have lost a little bit of pudge. I always gain weight evenly but my face gains the same amount which is very frustrating. I can gain 20 pounds and I will still look about the same, maybe a little bit more curve at my hips or something but my face will look like it belongs to an obese person. Booo. Anyways, I lose weight differently. I lose weight from my stomach first, probably something to do with water weight and bloating, then my face (thank goodness), then everywhere else evenly and my arms are last. When I used to be REALLY insecure I would compare my arms to french baguettes. <---important to my thesis

Back to reality, I feel great. I biked another 10 miles last night and felt fine this morning. I also went to bed at around 8pm last night and woke up at 8am....awesome.

Today is more running, bike, sit ups, and push ups. I think I might have to lift some weights to continue doing push ups, my arms are horrendously weak.


-1500 calories
-8 cups of water
-10 miles on the bike, 20 minute walk, sit ups routine

355 days to go.


Sunday, 15 May 2011

Days Eight and Nine.

Hopefully these double posts will end, I need to update this thing BEFORE I'm dead tired at midnight. I also should probably go to bed earlier than midnight.

SO! Aches and pains. They have finally caught up with me.

I took a day off because the 10 miles I biked recently made my knees die. Every now and then I have this tingling feeling in my legs that starts off as what feels like growing pains, but I'm fully grown (or at least I should hope so being 6'2") so that doesn't really make sense. Over the years I have learned that although it is unclear why I get these weird pains, there are ways to ease them a bit. If they start creeping up on me during the day I make sure to sit as much as possible afterwards while paying attention to not cross my legs or arch my back. If I have to walk somewhere and I have no choice, it will get significantly worse and in the worst cases I am home, sprawled out on my bed and chewing ice to take the focus off of excruciating discomfort.

In general, this sucks.

This weird adult growing pain phenomenon happens after I've done strenuous activity and I think it has to do with muscle building. For example, I had to climb hills every day at a camp last summer and at one point I couldn't go down the hill to get food and someone had to carry me into a teacher's truck to drive me to my cabin. Ow.

I knew these aches and pains would catch up to me sometime soon, I've been running and biking a fair amount. But the difference is if I keep this up, the pains will go away and when I have those moments where I have to climb a hill or stairs or run to catch a bus or walk home because the metro is closed, I will not be paying for it later.

I'm biking again tonight and doing a situps and push ups routine, this is my bare minimum for each day. I alternate sit ups and push ups though, I could hurt myself if I tried doing more. Also, when myabs are sore it feels like I have the stomach flu so it's good to know when to stop. =P

Some things I know I have to work on:

-Not eating after 9pm
-My water drinking is decreasing
-Being less dramatic
-Making less excuses
-Not getting upset when my belt isn't any looser

Alright before I go do my routine, here are the stats:

-weigh in on June 2nd! woo!
-2000 calories
-6 cups of water
-15 minutes bike, 3 sets of 15 sit ups, 2 sets of 5 push ups

356 days to go!


Friday, 13 May 2011

Days Six and Seven.

Everybody has something that they are afraid of.

I think that's pretty understandable, I mean LOTS of things are scary. In the order of "slightly uncomfortable" to "cardiac arrest", here are the things that scare me.

1. Bills
---I have had such a confusing financial upbringing that by this point I steal toilet paper and paper towels from school and coupons from my neighbors' mailboxes. I am an upcoming star on "Extreme Couponing", I can just feel it.
2. Women
---I am a master translator of the female dialect but I just prefer not to communicate with it on account that it makes rationality impossible, therefore elliminating my ability to make decisions or come to proper conclusions. Who wouldn't fear that?
3. Spiders
4. The Ocean
---Not a fan of sand where it doesn't belong and the ocean itself is like a vast blue watery death sentence to me. Someone tried drowning me when I was 5. I have a friend who survived a shark attack. I have a wild imagination.
5. Running
---I would not survive natural selection.
6. Lightning
---Oh my Jesus, lightning actually is so terrifying to me it makes me cry. Florida sucks for that.

Okay so even though running is trumped by lightning (cardiovascular exercise vs. unpredictable death flash of 500 million volts, no brainer) the thought of running makes my heart stop. When my group of tennis kids would be called to the back courts I just about peed my pants every time. Fitness. Kill me now. I dreaded it more than cleaning the pool scupper, sometimes filled with spiders and snakes and dead rats. I would rather give CPR to a cobra than run a mile, for sure.

I went for my first mile run recently. My pulse was racing, I was practically sweating before I even started just because of my nerves and my hands were shaking and spilling my water. This time wasn't like the others times when I was at my tennis class though. I wasn't going to be punished for being in last, I wasn't going to be yelled at, and I wasn't going to hear Voldemort's ugly face complain to me about being too slow and fat.

All names have been changed to protect identity.

I did it though and it felt great. I ran a mile. I finished in ten and a half minutes and stopped once to keep my chest from exploding. I felt so out of shape but afterwards I had that elated, satisfied, winded feeling that made me feel like I was on top of the world. And yesterday while Blogger was having maintenance issues I ran TWO miles. Yeah! My legs were killing me the first time and the second wasn't much easier but my pace was faster and I ran for longer without stopping to rest. I felt immediate improvement--in that moment I had never been so proud of myself for taking the initiative.

I didn't run today, I was still sore and had a lot of class and babysitting and things to do. Excuses, yes, many, but I will be doing the bike in the morning and running in the afternoon. It should be a fun day.

This journery will be a long one, I don't expect to actually see results for a little bit and that's okay. It has been so uplifting so far that I would do it for the pure joy that it brings me.


-2000 calories (day 6 & 7)
-10 cups of water (day 6), 6 cups of water (day 7)
-2 mile run, 5 push-ups (day 6), 5 push-ups, 15 minutes of bike (day 7)

358 days to go.


Wednesday, 11 May 2011

Day Five.

My eating habits are horrendous.

When I was in grade school and overweight, part of the problem was that my mom was never home to make me nutritious meals (she apologizes a lot for that). My typical mealplan from age 6-9 was the following:

-Some sort of dessert disguised as cereal. Yeah, I'm talking about you, Cookie Crisp and Lucky Charms.

-Some sort of processed carbohydrate disguised as a lunch entree. i.e. Macaroni Cheese(?) and Lasagna(?).
---*(?) notes my uncertainty of the culinary nomenclature

-Some sort of meat in a bag, pasta dish, and frozen vegetable side in no disguise at all, prepared by my brother. I actually looked forward to these meals, as a kid I loved all of those things, even the meat pouch and bag sauce.

You see that there is a pattern here, no? I also wasn't really playing any sports or getting any exercise either. I suppose you could consider that I was on a basketball team at somepoint but that didn't really count because I never did anything on the court. Also, the league claimed to be co-ed but they only put one girl on each team and I was the fattest of them all. Oh, and I hated basketball. <---Ah, there it is. At the time, I think I was more willing to lick the floor of a subway than to run up and down a basketball court only to be ignored and not passed to. I should mention though that for what it's worth, I wouldn't pass to me either. I sucked. Vicious cycle for the fail.

At around 8 or 9 my mom quit her job working for Hades, he was a very very evil man keeping his employees as prisoner and it was so ridiculous that my mom, CFO, was threatened at gun point once for not filing someone's earnings. I don't think those two things were directly related and I was pretty young but it was insanity. So she kind of made this huge transformation with me being home so much more, giving me a lot of attention and motivating me to eat better and exercise. I was so excited to have her around more and her cooking is awesome, it's a shame she had to wait so long to show the family her talents. She actually has an amazing blog of her own that is all about her incredible cooking. You should check it out!  wooo!

Anyways, I started tennis right around then and from there I got much much thinner and happier. Happiness had specifically from playing tennis eventually diminished though and I started music but I have 360 more blog posts to fit all of that in to my story.

Moving forward a bit, I was varsity captain of the tennis team at my high school. I had stopped competing in tournaments for the most part but kept up the sport for my school and my own recreational interest. I was about 160 pounds and 6'1" when my mom suggested we go on the Atkins Diet together. Little did I know that this decision would change my outlook on food and health in the worst ways for many years to follow. I will explain the Atkins Diet in more depth at some other point but I will mention its effects on me (before deciding on 'effects', I had 'tolls', 'drawbacks', 'the price I paid', 'taxes', 'horrors', 'haunts' know it'll be bad).

1. "Starvation Mode." Atkins put me into starvation mode until further notice. From depriving myself of sugar for all 4 years I was on it, though on and off the last two years, I developed an instinct to horde and binge on all sugary foods. My cravings are more intense, seemingly impossible to sate.

2. "Low self-esteem." I feel bad about myself when I eat....anything. It doesn't matter what it is, I feel bad about it. It stresses me out and then it overwhelms me so much like how my house gets cluttered and scary when I'm stressed, I eat stupid amounts of food at stupid times for stupid reasons.

3. "No exercise." Until this blog I just avoided exercising because I had always thought I lost weight by changing what I was eating. This is total horse shit, I was thinnest when I was playing tennis and NOT dieting.

4. "Sick--mentally, physically." Atkins makes you lose weight fast if you do it right, the pounds truly just shed away. Having that power though? To just lose so much weight so quickly? To manipulate your body into doing so? I got greedy with weight loss. At some point last summer I was consuming 800 calories a day on Atkins by eating lettuce and then filling up my stomach with vegetable stock. I was going through an extremely traumatic event in my life at the time but nonetheless, that is psycho. I started fainting with low blood pressure spells and the doctor I saw shortly after that said I was severely anemic (I used to be but I guess I aggravated it) and hypoglycemic. Atkins was kicking me while I was already down.

5. "Giving up." I gave up trying to be thin after I got counseling for my trauma so I settled into eating whatever I wanted and not exercising. I gained 15 pounds and lost a lot of self-worth.

Do you hear how sad all of this sounds? The scary part is that I am thin. I am CURRENTLY thin. Here's the thing, world--I have been sizes 8-14 and loved myself through them all but I am happiest when I feel lighter and healthier. But you all must see how edgy my outlook on self health is, right? It's not normal, that's for sure. By the way Dr. Atkins, you were probably a nice a guy but if I could have ever had the chance to meet you, I would have flipped you the bird. <---not a rational statement

The good news is that I have finally found my cure and that is exercise. This blog is helping me in more ways than I can explain. Today was the best day in months.


-1800 calories
-6 cups of water
-10 minutes bike, mile run, 6 flights stair run, 10 push ups, and lots of stretching.

360 days to go.


Tuesday, 10 May 2011

Day Four.

I am a serial snoozer.

I hit the snooze button at least 3 times each morning. The sun comes up and starts shining into my bedroom while I shrink away under the covers and mumble profanities to my pillow case. This happens without fail every morning. And I've tried it all! I put my alarm clock across the room, I just end up sprinting out of bed, smashing it to pieces in my adrenaline rush and hissing at it from the safety of my bed once I've returned to the sleepy warmth that is my fleecy blanket.


I've tried leaving my curtains wide open, more hissing occurs. I've tried setting a radio alarm so I can wake up slowly and work my way up to consciousness by listening to other peoples' voices. That one actually seems to work.

This happens every night where I set my alarm clock for a time that seems the most logical for getting everything done that I want done that morning. Oh yeah, 8:30am seems fine when I'm sitting in my tempurpedic bed and playing puzzle games online until I'm beyond the point of tired. "Well I'm not sleepy now," I say to myself, "so I won't have a problem waking up tomorrow if I'm already well rested."

Let me put that into context for you.

It is 3am, I've been saying, "One last round," on online pictionary for the past hour, all my night owl friends have gone to bed, and I am so beyond the point of reason that I don't think I even need sleep.

It's no wonder I wake up each morning feeling like I've been hit by a train.

Well, I tried something new today! I employed all of those tactics I mentioned previously but at the same time and I actually just hopped out of bed and rushed myself to the bathroom where I splashed my face with cold water and did a cleansing scrub. I had been planning on doing the bike in the morning but Jasper kept me up all effing night chasing a hair tie that I found this morning in his water dish so when I woke up I wasn't thrilled about that idea...also there wasn't enough time really. I got dressed in 3 minutes and for some reason just automatically plopped down onto my carpet (that needs to be CLEANED. ew, craigslist!) and did two sets of 15 sit ups. I did the same thing last night right before I went to bed so I didn't want to overdo it but it felt great.

Then something amazing happened. I did push-ups. Yeah, yeah, okay they were girly push-ups with the knees and everything but I don't think anyone understands how weak my arms are. I feel like SpongeBob sometimes trying to lift a plastic bar with stuffed animals on the ends of it for dumbbells. Yeah....but I did 5 push-ups!!! FIVE. CINCO. CINQ. FUNF. 5. I couldn't even do one my whole childhood when I weighed a little less. I actually weighed a lot more proportionally, I used to be quite chubs so maybe that's why.

When I was in elementary school I was pretty overweight. I wasn't morbidly obese but to put it into perspective, in third grade I was 5'0" and 130 pounds. Ouch. Being called "fat" was definitely in my daily schedule in those years.

But I won't get into that today, that topic is a long and complicated one. Being overweight and bullied as a kid really changed my outlook on social situations and kind of transformed my focus from outward--judging everyone and everything around me--to inward, judging everything about myself. In a way, harboring that mentality allows me to be realistic about my health to a point that is appropriate (though this took many years to master). I'm not fooled by my pretty blue eyes or the freckles on my nose or my wavy blonde hair, I've been convinced those things are beautiful about me. The difference is that it doesn't keep me from being self critical about my habits. It wouldn't matter whether I looked like Kate Hudson or Susan Boyle, junk food makes me feel terrible and being inactive brings aches and pains.

This only reiterates my desire to write this blog every day.

So I have piano class in about half an hour and afterwards I am prepared to follow today's plan of getting everything done as soon as possible, while the sun is still shining, so as to save the sloth for later when I'm already feeling accomplished. I'll be going through my usual scale routine on bassoon as a part of my warm up that I've been doing. I took time off but then took longer than I intended with my kidney infection so I'm working my way back into the swing of things. It's also extremely hard to want to practice these days knowing my new instrument is on its way and my current one sucks so hard. Anyways, after bassoon I'm doing laundry, then stretching and running (or walking), bike after that for a cool down (good for the knees), and fixing a nice hearty lunch. I'll probably settle down into my cozy bed with the sun still shining in my room so I can finish my theory homework and send nasty emails to the rental company that screwed me over.

Today will be productive. I think the key to that is how I begin. :)

Stats: (completed at night)

-(I will do a weekly weight update due to my lack of scale access)

Monday, 9 May 2011

Day Three.

If I hadn't gone running today, I never would have discovered that my city is on a huge river.

Verdun is gorgeous! I don't know why people say it's sketchy. Verdun has been considered the slums since like...the 70's, it's a town outside of Montreal that has been growing in popularity due to its cheap rent and, I guess now I realize, the view! It's about as sketchy as any urban suburb would be minus the crime and the filth. So....not sketchy at all. There were a couple of gangly teens kicking around a soda can while on roller blades but I didn't really feel threatened by that somehow...and the creepiest guy in the park today was just walking down the bike trail with a SUPER lurker grin on his face. But anyway, Verdun is packed with schools and parks and libraries and bike paths that I never would have discovered had I not sucked it up and put on my running shoes.

After about 45 minutes of power walking and jogging I got to a huge grassy clearing at the end of town. It was a pretty amazing moment actually, I was weaving my way through the neighborhood streets (and passed a dog sleeping in an armchair...lolz) when I suddenly saw a big blue horizon. I felt like my primitive instincts kicked in and I just booked it for the shore.


This is what I found. I sat under a willow tree near the shoreline, saw some otters swim by, and tried to count how many new puppies were out on their walks. Too many to count.

It's amazing what some good scenery and vibes can do for motivation to exercise. I want to run there everyday and explore the bike path with my cruiser. And thank goodness Verdun is not hilly like downtown is (right next to Mount Royal), I like my land level thanks to my weak Floridian constitution.

All in all a good day. I'm still kind of trying to get back in the swing of things, get into a routine. I'm on the right path to doing so though, I'm hopeful :)

Today's stats:

-180 something lbs, I need to get a scale to continue writing this down
-1500 calories
-6 cups of water
-1 hour and 20 minutes of walking @ 5mph, 10 minutes jogging 5.5mph approx

362 days to go.


Sunday, 8 May 2011

Day Two.


Everybody has them, especially me. Especially today.

I knew I would be an excuses kind of person when in pre-school gymnastics I would pretend to be dead on the mat so I wouldn't have to endure another cartwheel. I employed this tactic in just about every aspect of my life as a young gymnast, the balance beam and high bar were not exceptions. So after I was kicked out of that gymnastics academy for being too good at somersaults, (my mother explained this to me as being the reason) we tried ballet. Well that just wouldn't do, the floor was too cold. If that isn't foreshadowing I don't know what is.

Excuses are great for getting off track of a new diet, a new exercise plan, or both in my case. Here are all the excuses I made today, in order of increasing desperation.

-"I got no sleep last night, it's probably better that I didn't go for that bike ride this morning."
-"I broke up with my boyfriend today, I don't feel like doing anything."
-"I guess I can't do situps today, my kidney infection hasn't healed yet."
-"What is this? A migraine? My plans for late afternoon bike riding are vanquished!"
-"Come on, the bag of chips was already open."

Okay so some of these excuses are slightly understandable. I really only got like 3 hours of sleep, sleep is important to your health too. I really made the right decision to not overwork the back/abs during my recovery from a kidney problem. Breaks ups are hard. Migraines are painful. Chips are delicious.

See? I can justify just about anything, regardless of how ridiculous it is but today it came down to how much I wanted to pity myself vs. how much I wanted to feel better. Thankfully ration won out on this one...and actually that moment went a little something like this:

"Alright turn up Jay-Z in my headphones, I'm going to walk my ass home."

I was just leaving the apartment of the old woman whose dog I walk every weekend when I realized that 1) my migraine would be unbearable if I tried practicing 2) I knew I would wallow and fall asleep when I got home, and 3) I had a full bottle of water, a fully charged iPod, and an hour long walk home if I so desired so if I wanted to feel like I would get anything accomplished today, this was my chance.

Now, I'm all for efficiency so I made my way home, all the while walking up a storm for my daily exercise. In addition to that I discovered that my iPod has a very expansive library of satisfying break up tunes and movie soundtracks. I also found five dollars. Let's see now, that's uh, win, win, win, and win. (True story.)

Alright now let me say something about Breakups VS. Health Plan. The worse the breakup, the worse the cravings are. Thankfully I woke up this morning and gobbled up some strawberries to tide over the initial ravenous morning hunger. This might seem insane that I'm even relating these two things or that I was even thinking about my new health plan in relevance to my personal life but I find that they are justly related. For women, or for me at least, eating is sometimes as equally influenced by emotions as relationships are, whether comforting or devastating. To combat this I made myself a HUGE salad and ate a whole second carton of strawberries with Jell-O sugar-free chocolate mousse. Things could have been worse, but I was sad enough to want to just sit around and eat peanut butter with a spoon while watching How I Met Your Mother and cuddling my kitten, Jasper.


He's really not much of a kitten....but you can see why he is good for cuddling.

So back to my point: making the right choices, especially concerning a new diet or exercise plan is difficult when your personal life gets thrown in the mix. The best thing to do about it? Take a couple deep breaths, put on your exercise clothes (it helps if they are cute) and just go run/jump/skip/whathaveyou. You will feel better. I feel better. I still have a migraine but I feel good about today, or at least as much as appropriate.

Now without further ado, here are today's stats:

-6'3" (why yes, I grew an inch over night obviously)
-185 lbs
-2000 calories
-8 cups of water
-1 hr walk @ 3.8 mph (I'm a treadmill pro so I know how fast I was walking, haters)

363 days to go.


Saturday, 7 May 2011

Day One.

I am out of shape.

But let me start with a little background information, anyway. I used to be a tennis player--quite a good tennis player, in fact. From age 8-18 I went to clinics with all the dedicated tennis pro hopefuls and the homeschooled kids who dropped everything just so they could be on the courts all day everyday. It was torture.

I am a competitive person, it's in my nature, and I love that about me but tennis drove me insane. My coaches claimed I was the most natural player out there among all the other 'eat-tennis-sleep' kids, they said I could be a pro if I really wanted it.


I didn't want it.

I'm just not that good of an athlete! I'm lazy! I'm tall and awkward and thick-legged and I find it really irritating that I can't run for more than five minutes without gasping for breath! Okay, so it wasn't really that, I was keeping up with the others it's just that I was always coming in last, especially for the 10 court suicide drill. (I took that title seriously, I wanted to die half way in. "Oh GOD look how many courts are left. I will pass right here on this clay.")

I'm also a drama queen if you haven't noticed. I imagine every physical activity I do as if it were a Nike commercial, slow motion close ups and all.

I walk into the music building and see that the elevator is far away from the ground floor. Do I walk up the two flights of stairs and not be lazy? Awwwww yea cue that slow mo and the bad ass soundtrack, I got this.

Okay so back to reality. My love of tennis and drive to compete started fading when the cut throat lifestyle (dealing with all those horrendous tennis moms and their spoiled, bitchy daughters) started to bring me down and on top of that I was getting injured. I also started playing my instrument around that same time when I was 12 and I found I was naturally talented at that too and with a bigger opportunity to be somebody. I blew out my right shoulder when I was 16, I remember the tournaments stopped around then. The pain was so great, I had to hit through the agony to warm up my serve (which was a killer serve, but killing me). When I was 17 I damaged my right knee and was out for 6 weeks only to return with a lack of enthusiasm and a nasty tan line from my knee brace.

The reason why I am starting this blog is because I feel that I am falling off the map of where healthy lies. Even though I wasn't ever planning on picking out my white clothes for Wimbledon or getting the proper detergent for red clay stains, I was in shape. I was healthy and hearty and I want it back without all the drama and the pain. Throughout the course of this blog, which I will be updating every day without fail for the next year, I will be writing about the difficulty of starting a fitness routine (from scratch for me!), the daily struggles of choosing the right foods, the tolls of body image issues, and the rewards from taking a step in the right direction to address all of these things in my life and set it straight once and for all.

I refuse to be winded by those two flights of stairs in the music building. I want to preserve my body so I can make music until I am old and tired. I want to feel good in my own skin, regardless of how many pounds I lose or how much muscle is gained.

Day One:(EDIT---did the exercise after posting, did more bike than I planned and drank more water)

Weight-185 lbs
Caloric intake for today-2500
Cups of water-4
Exercise-Bike for 25 minutes (when I blew out my knee, I stopped running, lost muscle mass, joints went to hell, have to work up to exercising my legs more)

It'll be a long year. :P