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Sunday, 4 September 2011

Oh God.

So I haven't updated since I went to Orford for the summer.

Before then, I was running every day and losing a bit of weight and gaining a bit of muscle, although only in my upper half.

Since then, I had a lapse of leg pain and got to a point where I felt like I couldn't walk well and I had pretty much given up on stairs. Before school started I tried going to physio, with low expectations, to see if anyone could find out what was wrong with my legs. I was pleasantly surprised.

The first two weeks were really hard. I was told my muscles were too tight to really function effectively and that actually explains why I have always been a lousy runner. My muscles were tensed up and I couldn't get much power or stamina from them that way. I had to spend hours a day stretching, which I still try to keep up, but at the time it was relieving all the tension in my legs. I felt like I was walking on stilts. I have no control over them! Crazy! I did the bike every day and now I can go up a few flights of stairs a day and I am getting better at the bike for sure.

Tomorrow I start back running. I have missed the cardio so much! It's like I crave it! I might actually go out right now (it's almost midnight and I'll bring my pepperspray) and I think I'll go running up and down Wellington, the busiest part of town. I'm feeling wide awake and guilty at the same time....I ate about 1000 calories for dinner and at around 10pm. I thought I had planned it well enough so I wouldn't be THAT hungry by the time I got home tonight but I failed. I've been good about it and I had lost about ten pounds on South Beach. I think I just might have to cancel out carbs from my diet other than fruit for a very long time. I seriously think I treat grains like an addiction and I'm getting to the point where I have to approach it as if I'm an alcoholic. I get triggers, I am impulsive, I binge, then I feel disgusting. Then I hate myself for doing that to my metabolism (which has been crazy good lately!).

It's nice that I feel healthier. I don't think I was mentally prepared to attempt weight loss before but now I am. I am decently happy with my body right now but I would love to lose 15 pounds.

For the next MONTH I am not going to have any grains and we will see from there. I'm throwing my bread away tonight. -sigh- So it begins.