I am not surprised that I didn't post until Christmas vacation. I've had a crazy semester (that's everyone's excuse, right?) and this poor little blog has been neglected ever since.
I am surprised however, that I accomplished what I never thought was possible for me. I ran for 25 minutes without stopping today. That was the inspiration for posting here after all this time.
But I'm getting ahead of myself. Let's update, shall we?
Since september when I was having problems with physio, I have improved my muscle health almost full scale. My legs don't hurt anymore (except the few times I push myself to break a new record, but that still doesn't always result in pain) and I don't seem to be having any muscle issues so that is a huge personal win for me. I was really concerned that I couldn't walk easily at 20 years old and for someone who approaches music like a sport, I was letting myself down by not keeping my body in tip top shape. We musicians have to be able to perform until we retire, afterall. At least that's how I see it.
Moving onwards into the fall semester, the stress of deadlines and being busy in general led me to lose 25 pounds. That's a lot, right?! People said they saw it in my face, I felt it in my clothes, my waist. I was 195 in the summer (and very depressed about it) and I dropped down to 170. I had to buy new gap jeans. Boo hoo. :P Anyways, this jumpstart semester slimming was brought on by a new budget, less time to worry about food, and less opportunity to eat it. I basically had frozen veggies and wild rice in my house for a long time, save for some bullion cubes that I used to season.
Now, the weight loss was appreciated. I severely miss my tennis physique. I long for the days that I don't cringe at my puffy cheeks in pictures, even though no one seems to notice, I yearn for the days I didn't even think once let alone twice about any unsightly body fat making appearances in my clothes, and it seems crazy but I miss the days when I felt absolutely stunning (I was such a character, I KNEW I was pretty...pfft). The point to this was that I just didn't feel that way anymore. It's a priveleged life, to be completely comfortable in your own body. It's also earned.
I went on a mission to earn my body back, for my own confidence and for my music.
I knew the scrounging around for food schtick wasn't conducive to long term weight loss, it was a fluke, really. I welcomed the stimulus though, so I kept at my attempts to eat well and to exercise frequently. Frequently became often which became enough which became sometimes which eventually became not enough and at this point exercise was so low on my priority list that I didn't even have the energy to think about it. I had a musical, competitions, audition tapes, a jury, seriously petty but obnoxiously dramatic conflict in my studio, and I wasn't getting along with my private teacher. My stationary bike became a hanger for my winter coats.
Well that's life. We run into obstacles, some of them we can see coming ahead of time and some of them are seemingly out of the blue. And it's how we deal with them that really tests our character. I handled most of my problems really well. I know which ones I did not do so well with and I try not to think about those things. The end result is that I had a very successful jury and made some good tapes for summer programs and managed a 3.75 gpa, despite my setbacks.
Lesson of 2011:
1. Don't play in musicals. Just don't do it.
2. Prepare for big events with way more time than seems necessary.
3. Not everyone will like you and there's not much you can do about it.
4. Exercise is necessary not only for physical health but for mental health.
5. Best friends and loved ones are the foundation of life.
6. Pie is perfectly acceptable as payment for most debts.
7. The rumors of meeting the love of your life when you stop looking are true.
So that's the update. I'm enjoying my vacation and my family. I'm enjoying the opportunity to practice and exercise. It's also been brought to my attention by my heterosexual life partner that I am a talented writer and therefore should update this more frequently. Alright.
Merry Christmas!
Sunday 25 December 2011
Sunday 4 September 2011
Oh God.
So I haven't updated since I went to Orford for the summer.
Before then, I was running every day and losing a bit of weight and gaining a bit of muscle, although only in my upper half.
Since then, I had a lapse of leg pain and got to a point where I felt like I couldn't walk well and I had pretty much given up on stairs. Before school started I tried going to physio, with low expectations, to see if anyone could find out what was wrong with my legs. I was pleasantly surprised.
The first two weeks were really hard. I was told my muscles were too tight to really function effectively and that actually explains why I have always been a lousy runner. My muscles were tensed up and I couldn't get much power or stamina from them that way. I had to spend hours a day stretching, which I still try to keep up, but at the time it was relieving all the tension in my legs. I felt like I was walking on stilts. I have no control over them! Crazy! I did the bike every day and now I can go up a few flights of stairs a day and I am getting better at the bike for sure.
Tomorrow I start back running. I have missed the cardio so much! It's like I crave it! I might actually go out right now (it's almost midnight and I'll bring my pepperspray) and I think I'll go running up and down Wellington, the busiest part of town. I'm feeling wide awake and guilty at the same time....I ate about 1000 calories for dinner and at around 10pm. I thought I had planned it well enough so I wouldn't be THAT hungry by the time I got home tonight but I failed. I've been good about it and I had lost about ten pounds on South Beach. I think I just might have to cancel out carbs from my diet other than fruit for a very long time. I seriously think I treat grains like an addiction and I'm getting to the point where I have to approach it as if I'm an alcoholic. I get triggers, I am impulsive, I binge, then I feel disgusting. Then I hate myself for doing that to my metabolism (which has been crazy good lately!).
It's nice that I feel healthier. I don't think I was mentally prepared to attempt weight loss before but now I am. I am decently happy with my body right now but I would love to lose 15 pounds.
For the next MONTH I am not going to have any grains and we will see from there. I'm throwing my bread away tonight. -sigh- So it begins.
Before then, I was running every day and losing a bit of weight and gaining a bit of muscle, although only in my upper half.
Since then, I had a lapse of leg pain and got to a point where I felt like I couldn't walk well and I had pretty much given up on stairs. Before school started I tried going to physio, with low expectations, to see if anyone could find out what was wrong with my legs. I was pleasantly surprised.
The first two weeks were really hard. I was told my muscles were too tight to really function effectively and that actually explains why I have always been a lousy runner. My muscles were tensed up and I couldn't get much power or stamina from them that way. I had to spend hours a day stretching, which I still try to keep up, but at the time it was relieving all the tension in my legs. I felt like I was walking on stilts. I have no control over them! Crazy! I did the bike every day and now I can go up a few flights of stairs a day and I am getting better at the bike for sure.
Tomorrow I start back running. I have missed the cardio so much! It's like I crave it! I might actually go out right now (it's almost midnight and I'll bring my pepperspray) and I think I'll go running up and down Wellington, the busiest part of town. I'm feeling wide awake and guilty at the same time....I ate about 1000 calories for dinner and at around 10pm. I thought I had planned it well enough so I wouldn't be THAT hungry by the time I got home tonight but I failed. I've been good about it and I had lost about ten pounds on South Beach. I think I just might have to cancel out carbs from my diet other than fruit for a very long time. I seriously think I treat grains like an addiction and I'm getting to the point where I have to approach it as if I'm an alcoholic. I get triggers, I am impulsive, I binge, then I feel disgusting. Then I hate myself for doing that to my metabolism (which has been crazy good lately!).
It's nice that I feel healthier. I don't think I was mentally prepared to attempt weight loss before but now I am. I am decently happy with my body right now but I would love to lose 15 pounds.
For the next MONTH I am not going to have any grains and we will see from there. I'm throwing my bread away tonight. -sigh- So it begins.
Tuesday 7 June 2011
Day Twenty One.
For the past week I have gone through a mild version of hell.
I had hearing loss, sore throat, allergies, congestion, bloody nose, nausea, and even a trip to the ER for severe pink eye that led to my eyes bleeding. Yes, I have had quite the effing week.
I haven't played bassoon in 5 days, I haven't been able to even walk up stairs without feeling like I wanted to die, and my appetite has been all over the place from not eating at all in a day to not seeming to be able to satisfy.
I did push ups, sit ups, and stretching routinely though and my records for those are still improving so at least I am not stuck getting nowhere. I do feel more sluggish without running and biking and stair climbing so starting tomorrow I will do an all week running routine to make up for lost time. I knew it had to be this way when I had leg pains today for no reason. Time to start over.
Will keep this blog updated, going to try to get some sleep now.
I had hearing loss, sore throat, allergies, congestion, bloody nose, nausea, and even a trip to the ER for severe pink eye that led to my eyes bleeding. Yes, I have had quite the effing week.
I haven't played bassoon in 5 days, I haven't been able to even walk up stairs without feeling like I wanted to die, and my appetite has been all over the place from not eating at all in a day to not seeming to be able to satisfy.
I did push ups, sit ups, and stretching routinely though and my records for those are still improving so at least I am not stuck getting nowhere. I do feel more sluggish without running and biking and stair climbing so starting tomorrow I will do an all week running routine to make up for lost time. I knew it had to be this way when I had leg pains today for no reason. Time to start over.
Will keep this blog updated, going to try to get some sleep now.
Monday 30 May 2011
Sunday 29 May 2011
Day Seventeen and Eighteen and Nineteen.
I am not ashamed of double posts anymore.
Why? Because at this point I don't need a blog to keep going. :) That's a good thing! But it's fun to log my progress. My posts are slowly becoming less imaginative, my writing voice sounds more busy than creative, but seriously that's fine. I am not pushing myself to the 110%, I could be doing something to better myself at every moment. Yesterday I thought to myself, I could really practice like 5 hours a day, practice piano and sight singing in between, study french and read books at night, exercise in the morning, etc. I would be a machine. An awesome machine. I'm actually considering doing a week of 110%. Doing something at every moment, no sedentary bull shit, no computer, just progress, practice, and persistence. I am becoming more inspired as I write this. I might do it. In fact the week before Boston would be a perfect time to do it, I have fresh reeds made, school is almost over, and my job watching the old woman is suspended until July for my vacation, the only "work" I will have is babysitting, which I love doing.
Hmmm. Okay, so maybe from June 4th to June 11th will be my 110% week. I will have to work out how talking to boyfriend works in to that, I don't want to cut him off, I miss him enough as it is. I might designate one hour per day and then I'll have the 12th to talk my face off with him before I see him. :)
ANYWAYS. Reality. Day seventeen? Ran 5 miles. Like a boss. In the rain. In running shorts I haven't fit into for a long time. Knees haven't hurt at all since. Over all, that's a huge win.
Day eighteen? 40 sit-ups in 50 seconds. New "15" record for girly push ups. Climbed 20 flights of stairs. I didn't realize how much of a work out I was missing by taking the escalators. I have a potential awesome work out for my legs with every trip I make, the metro takes me down 3 flights, so back up another 3, school is 3 flights up, 3 flights down if I only make the trip once. The library is 2 flights up and down or I guess one super long flight is better to classify it. Maybe 1.5 then. The point is, that's an effing lot. So from now on I will walk up all stairs, but I will walk up the escalators in the metro because those flights are seriously too much. There are probably 100 steps in one, I've counted 30 flight walking up the escalator on the smaller set of stairs at my metro station. Ha.
Today? (Day nineteen) 3 REAL push-ups! -tears of joy- 60 sit ups in 58 seconds!!! -tears of agony and joy- and I did 10 girly push ups before doing the 3 real ones. I am getting stronger and it feels awesome. So today's agenda is more practicing, I think I'm going to try out my new reeds, I'm going to do the bike, do my theory homework, and practice piano at school. Oh and clean. Ew. That'll be cardio for sure.
Stats:
-185 pounds----I weighed myself and I think I must have been heavier than I thought. I already fit into smaller clothes so either I underestimated the growth of my boobs (up 2 cup sizes in college) or I am gaining muscle weight fast. It could be either or both actually. I'm content on how I feel, so as long as I keep getting stronger and losing the extra fat I carry in my legs I'll be happy. My thighs have always been kinda thick, chafing sucks the big one, and they seem to be the most out of proportion part of my body. It's as if everything else is average weight except my legs. Boooo.
-1500 calories day 17, 1400 calories day 18, dunno how many today but so far 500 (3 eggs, a sprinkle of cheese, a banana, coffee with cream and sugar)
-All my work out activities are noted above
346 days to go.
-B.B.
Why? Because at this point I don't need a blog to keep going. :) That's a good thing! But it's fun to log my progress. My posts are slowly becoming less imaginative, my writing voice sounds more busy than creative, but seriously that's fine. I am not pushing myself to the 110%, I could be doing something to better myself at every moment. Yesterday I thought to myself, I could really practice like 5 hours a day, practice piano and sight singing in between, study french and read books at night, exercise in the morning, etc. I would be a machine. An awesome machine. I'm actually considering doing a week of 110%. Doing something at every moment, no sedentary bull shit, no computer, just progress, practice, and persistence. I am becoming more inspired as I write this. I might do it. In fact the week before Boston would be a perfect time to do it, I have fresh reeds made, school is almost over, and my job watching the old woman is suspended until July for my vacation, the only "work" I will have is babysitting, which I love doing.
Hmmm. Okay, so maybe from June 4th to June 11th will be my 110% week. I will have to work out how talking to boyfriend works in to that, I don't want to cut him off, I miss him enough as it is. I might designate one hour per day and then I'll have the 12th to talk my face off with him before I see him. :)
ANYWAYS. Reality. Day seventeen? Ran 5 miles. Like a boss. In the rain. In running shorts I haven't fit into for a long time. Knees haven't hurt at all since. Over all, that's a huge win.
Day eighteen? 40 sit-ups in 50 seconds. New "15" record for girly push ups. Climbed 20 flights of stairs. I didn't realize how much of a work out I was missing by taking the escalators. I have a potential awesome work out for my legs with every trip I make, the metro takes me down 3 flights, so back up another 3, school is 3 flights up, 3 flights down if I only make the trip once. The library is 2 flights up and down or I guess one super long flight is better to classify it. Maybe 1.5 then. The point is, that's an effing lot. So from now on I will walk up all stairs, but I will walk up the escalators in the metro because those flights are seriously too much. There are probably 100 steps in one, I've counted 30 flight walking up the escalator on the smaller set of stairs at my metro station. Ha.
Today? (Day nineteen) 3 REAL push-ups! -tears of joy- 60 sit ups in 58 seconds!!! -tears of agony and joy- and I did 10 girly push ups before doing the 3 real ones. I am getting stronger and it feels awesome. So today's agenda is more practicing, I think I'm going to try out my new reeds, I'm going to do the bike, do my theory homework, and practice piano at school. Oh and clean. Ew. That'll be cardio for sure.
Stats:
-185 pounds----I weighed myself and I think I must have been heavier than I thought. I already fit into smaller clothes so either I underestimated the growth of my boobs (up 2 cup sizes in college) or I am gaining muscle weight fast. It could be either or both actually. I'm content on how I feel, so as long as I keep getting stronger and losing the extra fat I carry in my legs I'll be happy. My thighs have always been kinda thick, chafing sucks the big one, and they seem to be the most out of proportion part of my body. It's as if everything else is average weight except my legs. Boooo.
-1500 calories day 17, 1400 calories day 18, dunno how many today but so far 500 (3 eggs, a sprinkle of cheese, a banana, coffee with cream and sugar)
-All my work out activities are noted above
346 days to go.
-B.B.
Wednesday 25 May 2011
We will call this "Day Sixteen".
I've been gone for two days. I would say sorry guys, but it's more like sorry to myself.
It's okay though, boyfriend came into town from Boston and has never been to Montreal before. We walked for hours and I think I was actually the most sore I had been in a while from climbing and walking alone. I also ate less because I was distracted so that's good for maintaining weight during a slight change in schedule at least.
Well I'm off to a good start getting back into the swing of things. I warmed up on the bike this morning and did some push ups. I haven't done push ups in a while but I am strangely improving. Perhaps the break helped give my muscles time to settle down from being sore. :) I'm going running after I go to dog walking today and then the rest of the day is mine to dedicate to my paper and reed making.
Good times! This is a short post. Stats later :)
349 days to go.
-B.B
It's okay though, boyfriend came into town from Boston and has never been to Montreal before. We walked for hours and I think I was actually the most sore I had been in a while from climbing and walking alone. I also ate less because I was distracted so that's good for maintaining weight during a slight change in schedule at least.
Well I'm off to a good start getting back into the swing of things. I warmed up on the bike this morning and did some push ups. I haven't done push ups in a while but I am strangely improving. Perhaps the break helped give my muscles time to settle down from being sore. :) I'm going running after I go to dog walking today and then the rest of the day is mine to dedicate to my paper and reed making.
Good times! This is a short post. Stats later :)
349 days to go.
-B.B
Saturday 21 May 2011
Day Fifteen.
Soooo like I mentioned before, I expected leg aches and pains.
Before I started this, leg pains would occur every now and then, maybe twice a month. Now I have had pains three days in a row. I upped the resistance on my bike so I am thinking that is a factor. But you know what I don't do enough of? Stretching. Stretching is so important, I know this. But I take it for granted.
I propose for myself that I will 1) stretch every morning 2) stretch before and after every exercise routine I do 3) stretch before bed. I want to see if this helps. Last night my right leg kept me awake for about an hour longer than I would have hoped (but it didn't matter, I slept in! Hee hee!) and today it is my left leg but this time canceling my plans for the bike this evening. =( Awww.
So I guess there are three major focal points to this new routine of mine:
1. Aches and pains in my legs
2. Eating habits
3. Making my heart healthier
Those are my most pressing concerns, I think about those things the most during the day. Walking up stairs, taking my first steps in the morning, walking to school--I am thinking about aches and pains. When I'm hungry, when I'm full, when I'm bored--I am thinking about my eating habits (and the potential consequences of the next choices I make!). When during all of these things my heart races or palpitates or I have caffeine--I am thinking about my heart. I'm really in this for being healthy. If it makes me look better that's a bonus and I know that feeling lighter feels better but my heart is a muscle and no matter how many pounds I lose I need to make it stronger. I'm a musician, I plan to be employed until I'm 70! Ha. Maybe. But you see my point, have to maintain my health and state of well-being.
I did sit ups today and went for a long walk, right about the time my left leg had had enough.
That's all I have for today! Boyfriend is here tomorrow though, busing in from Boston. That will be nice :) Anyways!
Stats:
-1700 calories
-20 minute walk, 40 situps, 10 push ups
-8 cups of water
350 days to go.
-B.B
Before I started this, leg pains would occur every now and then, maybe twice a month. Now I have had pains three days in a row. I upped the resistance on my bike so I am thinking that is a factor. But you know what I don't do enough of? Stretching. Stretching is so important, I know this. But I take it for granted.
I propose for myself that I will 1) stretch every morning 2) stretch before and after every exercise routine I do 3) stretch before bed. I want to see if this helps. Last night my right leg kept me awake for about an hour longer than I would have hoped (but it didn't matter, I slept in! Hee hee!) and today it is my left leg but this time canceling my plans for the bike this evening. =( Awww.
So I guess there are three major focal points to this new routine of mine:
1. Aches and pains in my legs
2. Eating habits
3. Making my heart healthier
Those are my most pressing concerns, I think about those things the most during the day. Walking up stairs, taking my first steps in the morning, walking to school--I am thinking about aches and pains. When I'm hungry, when I'm full, when I'm bored--I am thinking about my eating habits (and the potential consequences of the next choices I make!). When during all of these things my heart races or palpitates or I have caffeine--I am thinking about my heart. I'm really in this for being healthy. If it makes me look better that's a bonus and I know that feeling lighter feels better but my heart is a muscle and no matter how many pounds I lose I need to make it stronger. I'm a musician, I plan to be employed until I'm 70! Ha. Maybe. But you see my point, have to maintain my health and state of well-being.
I did sit ups today and went for a long walk, right about the time my left leg had had enough.
That's all I have for today! Boyfriend is here tomorrow though, busing in from Boston. That will be nice :) Anyways!
Stats:
-1700 calories
-20 minute walk, 40 situps, 10 push ups
-8 cups of water
350 days to go.
-B.B
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